Just 6 weeks after it’s release, Eminem’s Relapse seems to be gone and completely forgotten, It’s no surprise really with We Made You failing to dominate the charts and no follow-up single as of yet. Eminem’s career seems to be at an all time low, still higher than almost every other rapper combined but he is no longer the man who can go platinum in a week. Maybe its a sign of the music industry dying, maybe Em should do a 50 Cent and cross over to the illustrious gaming industry, releasing his own side-scrolling Beat ‘Em Up… Oh wait, he has!
Yes, believe it or not Mr. Mathers actually has his own game on the Apple App Store, and use the term “game” extremely loosely. The word “game” implies fun and maybe even a hint of challenge, Eminem’s Relapse game is severely lacking in both those aspects. This is literally the worst game I have ever been subjected to in my entire life, I have had more fun and excitement navigating the Xbox 360 dashboard than I have playing this game in its entirety. In this god-forsakenly-awful title you play as Eminem punching and shooting his way through an Insane Asylum filled with zombie-fied inmates who attack you for seemingly no reason, and by “attack” I mean walk into you, sometimes them walking into will cause damage, sometimes it won’t, it doesn’t really matter anyway because anyone who manages to get themselves killed in this “game” must be as brain-dead as the idiots who created it. Attacking enemies isn’t handled any better, for the first 3-quarters of the game your only weapon is your fists but punching enemies in the face is completely unsatisfying as they don’t react at all to any of your hits, so its often unclear whether your attacks are even causing any damage. Eventually you’ll pick up a hand-gun which does nothing but slow you down and in the last 5 seconds of the game you’re “rewarded” with an automatic riffle.
The worst (or best, I’m not really sure) thing about Relapse is the entire game can be completed quicker than it takes to download and boot up. Simply hold the appropriate walk button (whether Left or Right) and the attack button for about 2 minutes and the game is finished, all the enemies will either die or allow you to walk past them. There is a “To Be Continued” message at the end, but even the thought of playing more of this piece of shit makes me nauseous. The graphics are ugly, the animation is some of the worst I’ve ever seen, the gameplay is broken and the music is bland and dreary. There is literally nothing positive I can say regarding this game, It is a cheap, poorly-developed cash-in that has no redeeming qualities what-so-ever. At the moment it is on sale for $1 but I would honestly rather pay $2 not to play it. This is by far the worst thing Eminem has ever been associated with, including allowing Bruno to plummet ass first on his face.