Editorials TV Wrestling

WWE’s Monday Night Raw Was A Disaster of Shitty Proportions

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Coronavirus has taken everything near and dear to the world: people, paychecks, movies, musicals, Broadway plays, hospitals, crossing the Canadian border for lower prices, car sharing, toilet tissue, and now non-essential packages from Amazon.

Thoughts and prayers to GameStop employees. May hand sanitizer and paid sick leave be ever in your favor. Image result for gamestop hands

Now with the “no more than 50 people” gathering ban, it has taken away live wrestling, forcing wrestling companies like AEW and WWE to figure out how to put on a show for the millions of people watching from home, hunkered down in their abodes trying not to kill their loved ones because there’s no way to escape them (maybe that’s just me).

While it would be a great time to ask for advice from IMPACT Wrestling about putting on audience-less shows, WWE has decided to do things their way by moving to the Performance Center and having their wrestlers travel over seventeen hours by car for a two-minute monologue about ass-kicking and name-taking. God bless Edge and his strength training regimen for carrying this entire show on his back.

Image result for wwe edge shoulders

During Raw’s March 16th show of boring proportions (more about that later), WWE’s version of pure unadulterated “wrestling” consisted of viewers witnessing, botched commercial breaks, cameramen not practicing social distancing, horrible acting from the OC, poorly timed cues, AJ Styles not knowing where the camera was, commentators damn near breathing on top of each other despite literally having the entire arena to themselves, a sad ass Austin 3:16 Day, old man Undertaker giving us Old Man American Badass (wasn’t he just old school Undertaker the week before) giving us confused temper-tantrum realness, oh and mostly importantly only ONE LIVE MATCH.

That’s right, the sports entertainment giant who booked a three-hour time-slot on the USA Network gave us one match which started two hours and seventeen minutes into its broadcast, airing after the never-ending men’s Royal Rumble match.

For a company that prides itself in being a “sports entertainment” brand it was hard to find the “sports” nor the “entertainment” when a company had a handful of their wrestlers and commentators waste their time and energy to sit through a replay of a match that wasn’t that good to begin with especially after watching it for a second time.Image result for the undertaker empty arena

Now all was not lost, aside from Edge giving a masterclass in promos, a drunk Steve Austin having fun with himself (why didn’t he give the stunner to Becky Lynch), the match between Rey Mysterio Jr. and Andrade was incredibly solid, showing us why these wrestlers deserve all the TV time. Asuka and Zelina only added to the match that featured Asuka yelling at everyone in Japanese, Andrade yelling at Rey in Spanish and Zelina the only person practicing social distancing.

But for three hours, this is not what fans deserve, especially during the road to Why-Is-This-Still-Happening WrestleMania.

Hey, but at least there’s the XFL to distract Vince…oh, wait.

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